Happy New Year 2005!

It’s the first day of a new year and I’m excited about what the Lord is laying on my heart. Every year I get before Him to seek His will for my life for the New Year. Mike and I went camping this week to get away from the normal routine and the demands that seem to creep up when we are both at home. This retreat helps to prepare my heart to hear and receive what the Lord has for me. I began to hear in my spirit about a voice calling in the desert last weekend…before my Pastor read a letter Paul Harvey wrote and before he said something along the same lines. We as Christians rose up this year to make our voices heard during the Presidential election. Why does it take “issues” that challenge our rights as Christians before we rise up and speak up? Why do we sit back and let the minority, who choose to live in open sin, be the ones who establish the laws of our land? Little by little our rights are being infringed upon all in the name of tolerance for everyone else but the Christian majority. Anyway, the Lord is revealing to me that He has given me a voice to speak with boldness and confidence (only in Him and through Him) so that I can be a mouth-piece for Him in this New Year. As a voice of one calling:

In the desert prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the LORD has spoken. (Isaiah 40.3-5)

I’m also reminded of the allegorical stories written by Hannah Hurnard, Hinds Feet in High Places and the sequel Mountains of Spices. Both of these books have made such an impact on my life, especially the idea that it is God who calls and equips us to follow after Him. I love the fact that He goes before us and makes our path level, even those routes that don’t seem to have a pathway on them! I have always felt that I was like one of the pioneer woman of old, with a sickle in hand, cutting down a trail through the wilderness so that it would be easier for those who followed. There were a couple of years when I stopped, filled with resentment, as I asked “why me, why do I have to be first”? I’m the first in a lot of areas; in the family, I’m the first born, first grandchild, first to marry, first to have children first one to have children graduate and get married and consequently the first to become a grandparent. It seems that most all of my friends near my age (most are a few years older) still have children in elementary school. While they are older, I have experienced many of the “first” events. It is easy to share my experiences with others, especially when it helps. However, there are times I wish I could just sit back and not be the one who goes first and cuts down the path just to make it easier for others. But, then I’m reminded of, to whom much is given, much is required. God knows me best and has given me much; my desire is to give back to Him in service all that is within me. Besides, I’m not the first to go forward and make a way, not in the big picture sense. So, I’ll put on my spiritual “hiking boots,” pick up whatever “tool” is necessary and continue my journey. If I can help make it easier for others to walk down this path as the “glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it,” then I will be doing my little part for the glory of the Lord.

I pray that you too are seeking His face and His will for your life as He prepares you for this New Year.

Could this be the next Gerber baby? Or, maybe the next Christmas calendar baby. Kayleigh posed so perfectly for all of us as if she sits for pictures all of the time. I'm sure her mommy is posting this one on her blog as we all decided it was the perfect pose once Mike (Abba) uploaded it onto the computer. Sharing Christmas day with the family made for an extra special day. 

Kayleigh Lynn Russell with her great-grandpa Russell. Grandpa is thrilled to have a granddaughter he gets to see often!  

Christmas morning at our house with youngest son Justin, Michelle and Kayleigh.  

25 years ago today, Justin Lee Russell came into our lives weighing in at 9lbs 6.5oz. and 20.75 inches. In the top photo he is one week old. The second photo, he is three weeks old. Happy birthday son, we love you! 

It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas!
 

It’s Beginning to Look A Lot like Christmas!

We are getting more than snow flurries; we’re actually getting an accumulation of snow! It looks beautiful coming down with huge snowflakes that almost look like snowballs. The weather report predicts at least 3 inches of snow and it should stick around until Christmas day when the temperatures rise to the 50’s. The roads are too warm for the snow to stick to for now, but the grassy areas and roof tops are getting a white blanket covering.

The photo I posted was taken on Valentine's Day this year but we used it for our Christmas cards this year, it was so beautiful.

Last grade

I finally received my last grade in my Speech class, an A. I'm glad for it; however, I am thankful the class is over! What I learned as a result of being in this class, is that it allowed me to practice confidence in whom I am in the Lord and in the position I have been created for, without fear, excuses or arguments. The class didn’t teach me this; I learned it as the result of taking a stand for what is right. Anyway, it is over and now I can move on.

Today marks one week into my holiday break and I have crossed off most of my “to do” list! I’ve always been organized and pretty efficient with my time, I just never realized how much I could get finished now that school is out for the holiday. Or, maybe I should say that as the result of being in school, where I had to really make the most of my time, I now get much more accomplished in an allotted amount of time. I have even added several projects to my original list as my creative juices flowed...finished them too! With our mild Texas weather holding out, I finally got to take care of the last few outdoor projects. So, now the garden is cleaned up and put to bed for the winter, the outside windows are washed, the leaves are in the compost and everything is ready for winter to arrive officially, tomorrow. Our weather report is saying that we might get some snow flurries on Wednesday this week. We tend to get ice and rarely does it snow here in North Texas, but it would be fun to get a few inches of snow that is, as long as it goes away by the end of the day and I don’t have to get out in it.

Next week after Christmas, we will take the motorhome out for a few days and go camping. We haven’t gone as much as we normally go, not since I’ve been in college year round. Mike and I love getting away, hiking and biking around in the country and just enjoying nature all around us. It’ll be a nice break away from the normal routines. Once we come back, my calendar is filled with appointments, hair, dentist, veterinary and a couple of dinner parties. All this squeezed in before my trip to Oregon for a week. My brother and his wife own their own business and have a workshop/conference to attend to for the week, while their two kids stay home because they are in school. This takes place every other year and so this will be my second year to go during January. My DIL, Michelle and granddaughter, Kayleigh will be flying with me this time. It’s always fun when I go out there, but having Michelle and Kayleigh with me during the day will make the days go by faster. I usually have a list of projects to work on when I’m there, but they don’t always take up all of my time and I’m not much of a TV watcher, so it can get boring even with reading. Four days after we get home, classes start up again.

I have learned how to be still for periods of time, but for the most part I tend to be a busy type of person and get bored if I don’t have something productive going on. I even have two to three books going at the same time, I’m down to two now. I decided to open up my British Literature (next semester) book and start doing some background research on the first chapter, Beowulf. If it weren’t for the fact that this book must weigh two pounds and is huge, I’d take it with me to Oregon to read. But, there is just no easy way to tote this book on board without it counting as a carry-on. Anyway, the preview for this very long poem/story sounds interesting and I’m looking forward to getting into it.

If you’re one of those who don’t get much time to yourself anymore, just remember that it is the season you are in and it will change, mine did. Enjoy each season, I have, and it only gets better as each season comes and goes.

Finals are Over!

I made it through a whole year of college! Our grades are in, but the system to check them on-line is down. Here is what I know for sure: I have an A in algebra and in English. The grade I’m not sure about is for speech. The speeches and tests weren’t hard, but that won’t really be the determining factor for this class as I have alluded to in my last posting. I can only hope for the best and remind myself that I made my stand based on principle at the risk of my grade and that is more important than a letter grade, right? I’ll keep telling myself this, it’s still difficult to accept anything less than an A when I did the work.

We finally got the house decorated and the tree up! I love decorating my house for Christmas, but this year was my first to be in college at the same time. I seriously considered not putting the tree up. Michael decided that “we” (he never really did anything before except put the tree in its stand) needed to do it all for Kayleigh’s first Christmas. So, while the kids have grown up and moved out, we will somehow find the time to put up the tree and decorate the house for the grandchildren. It’s going to work out to our advantage anyway since I wanted to pose Justin, Michelle and Kayleigh for their first family portrait in front of the tree. I'll post a picture after we get them finished.

Okay, so now I have four weeks off before the spring semester starts and I have a semi-long list of projects I want to tackle and hopefully conquer before my life is consumed again with studies. Thank you everyone for supporting me throughout this year, you have made a difference in my life.

Have a very Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!
Love to all

1+1= 1, Isolate for A
A B

Algebra:

I had my chapter test in Algebra on Friday and when I finished it, my teacher graded it on the spot and then tallied my semester grade…I had 106.15 points! I knew I wouldn’t need to take the finals, but I hadn’t kept up with how many points I had for the class, so I was surprised with my final tally. I’m not one of those who keeps track with the idea of how many points I need on each test to pass, as I have listened to others who do this. I figured that “whatsoever, my hand finds to do, do it with all your might!” right? Anyway, I actually like algebra – not enough to change my major, but enough to say that I enjoy the class. My teacher has been wonderful, so patient and she loves having non-traditional students. I’ll be taking the next level of algebra with the same teacher for the spring semester and then…I will be taking the last class of algebra for my college career next fall. As my son would say, “woohoo!”

Literature and Composition:

Love this class!! I enjoyed my English classes while I was in high-school, but not like I do now. I know it has a lot to do with finding my voice (both verbalized and written); however, I do believe it has more to do with the Professor. This is my second semester with the same Professor and won’t be my last. His style of teaching supports my learning and personal style, boundaries with lots of creative freedom. We also have a lot of similar personality traits which has helped when working together as a team on behalf of the class. I’ve been his unofficial teacher’s assistant this semester which has been really beneficial for him while he is working on his doctorate. I have enjoyed the position since I love to help/teach/mother, and the students come to me anyway. Hopefully, I’ll be this professor’s official TA for next semester since we do work well together and it’ll be his first semester teaching British Literature while working on his doctorate on top of the other classes he teaches. I don’t know my final grade for this class, but should find out next week when finals are officially over. Our last paper counts as our finals and is sent via computer with a dead-line of Sunday at midnight. I don’t know the last count of students he has to grade for, but it’ll be a lot of reading he has to get through before everyone gets their grade.

Speech:

Lastly, my s p e e c h class. Actually, this was my first class each day, but it gets mentioned last for a myriad of reasons. I loved speech in high-school, have spoken in several places across Texas and don’t have too much difficulty with speaking in front of a group. However, it didn’t take more than 3 days before I knew the teacher was going to be difficult. I’m not talking about a hard teacher who expects a higher level of anything; I’m talking about a teacher who isn’t emotionally stable. I watched this person (hard to call her a teacher when she didn’t teach us anything academically) have emotional “melt-downs” in class, get flustered, lose her self control and have no consistent standards by which to grade or critique. Ever the optimist, I kept hoping for the next day or next week or maybe, just maybe, the next month of this semester to see a change for the better, but it never came. It took the 10th week for me to finally do something about it after I intercepted several complaints by my classmates (three who dropped the class during this week). The short of it, I sent a four page, objectively detailed account of what I witnessed and sent it to the Dean and department head. After I took this action, any complaints I heard from the other students, I bluntly told them to write a letter of grievance and send it to the Dean. The last count of those who sent their letters in, 7 out of 17, but the count may go up now that the semester is over. I don’t wish this designated “teacher” ill will, but I do hope she takes a break or gets some help before she is back in the classroom. I could conclude this account by saying that I did learn something, indirectly from her…I practiced my voice and stood my grounds on several issues and then followed through by reporting the injustice. The other lesson I learned after I realized that I was in a position as a hub or central point of contact for the other students, was to balance being a student while I’m also leading.

This whole year has felt like a fast paced, advanced learning course. What I have learned academically has been encouraging (you’re never too old to learn), but I think I have learned more about myself, and that has built my confidence. I’m going to enjoy my time off before next semester starts, but I’m anticipating next semester to see what the Lord has planned for me as I continue this journey.

A Woman Endued with Power

As much as I love to write, I just haven’t had the time during these past few weeks to write for fun. However, that time is over! Finals are next week and the only one I have to take is a written test for speech.

I just finished my essay paper for Literature and Composition, (all ten pages) titled, “A Woman Endued with Power.” I wrote about Kate Chopin and her short story, The Story of an Hour. I read a lot of essays and other information about her while doing my research, and I can understand how others perceive her as a feminist. However, I don’t think that is all Chopin is about. No where did I come across anything that said she was out to usurp men’s authority. I likened her to the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. Anyway, what I realized about myself as I was writing this paper is that my paper is about myself and what I have learned this year. Here is my conclusion:

The moment a woman knows her place, without being defined by labels, is the moment she will be able to embrace herself as a woman who has the power to speak from her heart, and recognizes her own ability for independent intellect; she is a woman that is able to pursue the desires of her heart. It is this woman, who will be the one who recognizes this awakening within herself, even if no others do, who can say “what did it matter!” for she is now, a woman endued with power.

I have become that woman! I discovered my voice and have practiced using it all year until my confidence caught up with it. I can say that I have been noticed, by my peers, other students and academically. As for pursuing and getting my desires met, I’m in college and this has been one of my biggest desires to pursue and fulfill. This in turn has spilled over into other areas in my personal life where I don’t stop at meeting the needs of others, I am also getting my needs met.

Monday is my last day for this semester. I feel that I have grown academically, but most importantly, I have grown personally. I have four weeks off to catch up on all of the projects I have had to put on the back burner while I worked on school assignments. Maybe, I’ll even get my house decorated for Christmas with enough time to enjoy it before I have to take it all back down. I know this is only the season I am in and it too will pass, only to be exchanged for another. In the meantime, I plan on enjoying every minute of my season.

Have you heard?

Do you know how to eat an elephant? You eat it one bite at a time. Who would want to eat an elephant? Not me! This expression isn’t literally talking about eating an elephant, although if you were, the answer would be the same. You could use this expression for just about any task that seems insurmountable, and for me, there are some weeks when it means college homework.

I love having a syllabus to work from, it gives me the big picture and for those of you who know me, I thrive on having the big picture. Anyway, I try to work ahead as far as I can. You just never know what might come up later in the week when you thought you would have the time to write a paper or read a chapter of poems, and then there is algebra…so I work ahead. However, there will be those times that no matter how much you work ahead, it seems that everything is due at the same time and you just don’t think you’ll ever get through it all on time. This is when I take one bite at a time and before I know it, I have taken a huge bite out of my “elephant” until I can actually see beyond the obstacle. And so, here I am sitting down taking a break and typing some random thoughts as I digest my “elephant”.

I shared another expression several times last week. I can’t remember the name of the mini-series I heard this from, but it was on television a few years ago and I thought it profound. The community in this movie used the expression “one drop fills the ocean” to explain how one person can make a difference. Such an insightful statement! I’m a visual person and as a teacher realize there are many others out there who are visual also. So when it comes to encouraging my fellow classmates and peers to get out and vote, because their vote can make a difference, this quote came to mind. It’s exciting to see when that light of comprehension goes on. Everyone likes to think that what they contribute to our society really does matter.

Nature Forces Me to take a break:

I’m sitting at the computer listening to a composed music piece for William Blake’s poem, “The Lamb” while I go over my collected research for an upcoming poetry paper for English. All of a sudden I get a glimpse of a trio of late spring born squirrels playing in my garden. I know most people only see them as rodents, but I see them as part of God’s creation and right now, they have forced me to stop and take a mental break from my paper and just enjoy their antics. It seems that they find the grape vine leaves a delicacy as they strip one young leaf after another. One young squirrel found some dried bean pods on the bean pole and is literally flipping over his discovery. His antics have drawn the attention of his litter mates and now a game of tag is on.

Squirrels aren’t my only diversions, I also have wrens that come to the window ledge and fight with their reflection in the window. This east facing window overlooks the garden and is situated behind my computer screen. The wrens are only one of the many types of birds that come to my garden. I’ve watched a Coopers Hawk build a nest in the bird house situated on a high pole in the center of the garden and that was after a pair of Starlings raised a clutch of babies. This bird house has been occupied by a variety of birds throughout this year; I never knew so many types would use it after others have nested in it. Watching the coming and going of the different species is like watching the calendar change through the seasons. I can tell that fall is here, the hummingbirds, which collected nectar from the Rose of Sharon bushes just outside of the garden, have migrated somewhere south of here. The huge tree, I have yet to identify, is shedding its leaves as if it were snowing multi-colors of yellow, orange, brown and a remnant of green. The gravel pathways between the raised beds are now carpeted with a layer of colors, soon to decompose and add valuable nutrients to the drowsy garden. There are a few tomatoes yet to be picked as there are quite a few bell peppers left. The cooler temperatures have boosted the production of the peppers, I can see yellow, orange and red ones all designated to be grilled for the next fajita meal. I can’t forget to mention my Camellias which are beginning to blossom in mass. Their vibrant shade of pink won’t let me forget them as they stand out in the midst of this fall palette of gold, oranges and browns. I love their pink color as it always brings a smile to my face; it is my favorite color and not one you normally associate with fall.

As if Nature’s daytime drama isn’t enough to keep me from becoming engulfed by my school work, there are the activities at night which take place just outside and on the window. We have so many varieties of lizards which visit, some during the day but one at night. I especially enjoy watching the Mediterranean geckos, which are attracted to the light shining through my unclosed blinds, as they attempt to capture moths that are also attracted to the light. Stopping to watch a gecko in the evening hours is a sure way to slow me down and keep my busy life in balance. I have choices; I can stop and smell the roses in my flower garden or stop and enjoy Nature and God’s creation just outside of my window. What good is it if I put all of my energy into succeeding in school, only to miss out on what is taking place all around me? If you haven’t taken time out to enjoy this season, I’m encouraging you to be still and take notice of all that God has created for our pleasure.

Intellectual

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary intellectual is defined as: 1. of, relating to, or performed by the intellect: RATIONAL 2. given to study, reflection, and speculation 3. engaged in activity requiring the creative use of the intellect.

I had a session with my counselor (Tammy) yesterday and one of the topics we talked about was my joining Phi Theta Kappa and what it means to me. I’m maintaining a 4.0 GPA but this doesn’t mean that I “feel” smart or think of myself as smart. I understand that my grades represent my ability to apply myself and process the information I receive so that when it comes time to reproduce that information, it can them be represented by a letter grade or percentage. My peers and fellow classmates have been saying, “you’re so smart, you’re so creative, and you’re so….,” compliments that are being spoken with sincerity, but compliments I haven’t been use to hearing outside of the biasness of my husband and close friends. I have been rewriting and redefining a lot of wrong messages that were sent to me as a child. I had to ask Tammy, “Why is that I have been so affected by these messages when they occurred long ago, even though I have spent the last 27 years of my life surrounded with positive messages?” I knew the answer to my question but it just helped to ask it out loud. So, Tammy and I talked about this idea and we concluded that I needed to redefine what it means to be considered an intellectual.

Since I’m visual, I use a mental picture of a tape recorder as I erase the old, wrong messages and tape over with new messages and definitions and then I hit replay a few times until I am able to assimilate the new information. Having reflected on the definition of what an intellectual is has helped me to realize that I am and have been an intellect. The definition provides me with something which is concrete, not biased and won’t change based on how someone else feels about me.

I wished I had heard my parents say they were proud of me and my accomplishments, but they didn’t and perhaps they never will. I have grieved over this, but it is time to grow beyond it and live. With this thought, I have come to realize that I no longer need to hear it from them to know that I have accomplished some outstanding skills, using what is considered my intellectual abilities. I’ll not feel comfortable with others calling me this or even labeling me as being smart. It isn’t out of a false sense of humility that I say this; it’s more from the awareness that when others hold you up on a pedestal, a fall is inevitable. What ever I achieve in this life, it is my desire to serve God fully with all of my heart, mind and soul. If man is pleased with me and my achievements, I shall receive it as the praise and recognition it is intended to be. However, it is for my Heavenly Father’s praises that I seek and will count as sufficient.

Something to Think About:

For those of you who have wondered what I do when I'm up at all hours of the night, here is a sample of some literature my English Prof. suggested I read. I find it funny when I think about the stuff I'm reading now, as opposed to what I use to read. I read a lot, but I don't think I would have chosen to read something from Rousseau. However, it is good to be exposed to some of the old Literary Authors, you discover how much they understood and how that knowledge has withstood the test of times, making it relevent for today. If you are interested in this author's literature, just look him up on the web. there are many sites to choose from.

Warning: Don't read his literature before you go to bed, it'll keep you up with your brain whirling in circles as you try to comprehend what he has written and how it applies to today. What I wrote after reading Emile was my response to his message. I couldn't just shut down the computer, or my brain, and go to bed without expressing my reaction. This seems to happen often after I read something which stimulates the intellect.

"If matter in motion points me to a will, matter in motion according to fixed laws points me to an intelligence; that is the second article of my creed. To act, to compare, to choose are the operations of an active, thinking being, so this being exists. Where do you find him existing, you will say not merely in the revolving heavens nor in the sun which gives us light, not in myself alone, but in the sheep that grazes, the bird that flies, the stone that falls, and the leaf blown by the wind." (Jean-Jacques Rousseau).

I read the above quote in Emile, (1755). Everyman Edition, 1911; excerpt: Creed of a Savoyard Priest. I can see how the author’s literature could be used as a resource to recommend for reading to someone who struggles with the idea of whether or not God exist. Rousseau attacks the intellect with steps of logical deduction. I can’t imagine reading this right before going to sleep; it stirs up some deep thinking. Anyway, as I read it I wondered, do we still have philosophers, those who really apply thinking? Or, has man just laid down to mindless acceptance of whatever they are fed, asking no questions, thinking no deep thoughts, finding no satisfaction in seeking truth. A frightening thought when you consider the consequences; who or what then has power over what we are learning and how it affects our thinking and the way we perceive and interact with the world around us. I for one will fully accept the existence of God and yield to His direction, His truth and laws, as He dictates to me how and what I should be thinking and doing. It is by faith that I actively seek knowledge, not with mindless neglect as some are doing.

Poetry Readings

We have started reading poetry for English 1302. I enjoy most poetry, more so now then ever before. I think I’m reading it with more critical thinking involved, rather then just reading it as a way to tickle my ears with the rhythm and rhyme of the words. It has helped to make the poetry more enjoyable after looking up background information in connection to the author. It takes a little more work, but I think it has been worth the effort. I now have more appreciation for the author and their poetry.

Our next paper will be on one of the poems in our anthology book and I have chosen to write about Christina Rossetti and her poem, Uphill. I started reading about her life and other works she has written. I started a file on my computer and it's full of information with a basic outline I’ll use to break down the poem, line by line. It’s easy to see her spirituality in this poem and I hope to use it to plant a seed in the hearts of my classmates.

Uphill (1861)

Does the road wind uphill all the way?
Yes, to the very end.
Will the day’s journey take the whole long day?
From morn to night, my friend.

But is there for the night a resting-place?
A roof for when the slow dark hours begin.
May not the darkness hide it from my face?
You cannot miss that inn.

Shall I meet other wayfarers at night?
Those who have gone before.
Then must I knock, or call when just in sight?
They will not keep you standing at the door.

Shall I find comfort, travel-sore and weak?
Of labor you shall find the sum.
Will there be beds for me and all who seek?
Yea, beds for all who come.

I finally hit the point of exasperation with my fellow classmates this week. My Professor warned me a couple weeks ago about this when he expressed his awareness that I would become frustrated with the class. I assured him that I didn’t think I would feel that way this semester, as I have come to terms with the differences between the younger students and myself. I’m in school to learn as much as I can, not just because it’ll get me a better paying job (even though it will), I simply love to learn. I realize the majority of students are there for so many other reasons and not necessarily to learn. Anyway, I have tried to be a buffer between my Professors and the students by encouraging my fellow classmates to get their work done and turned in on time as a way to show respect to the teachers who give so much of themselves. I have done this by sending e-mail reminders, meeting with them in between classes, phone calls and staying after my last class to "tutor" those who have asked for help. However, I am feeling more like “the mom” or “the teacher,” rather than a fellow classmate and it has started to take its toll on me. I am reviewing my personal boundaries and accepting that I can’t do it for everyone; I can only be responsible for my own integrity. This leads me to shortening my responses to pleas for help by simply saying, “What does the syllabus say?” One of my favorite Professors says this a lot! I found this answer to be maddening and actually felt my anger rising when I asked him this question, after looking in the syllabus, during my first semester with him. It reminded me of my parents when they would say, “I said such and such, because I said so!” With this memory in mind, I don’t quite leave my response to “What does the syllabus say?” I take it a step further by following it with, “It says we should be doing…, by Sunday at midnight.”

It’s hard not being a mom, while I’m also a student. However, as a mom I had to begin the process of cutting the apron strings if I were to send out independent young men into the world. While I don’t have my teaching degree just yet, I feel like I’m getting to practice even while I’m a student. This means that I need to do more then set a good example in class, but also to teach the other students by that example, a lesson of how to be pro-active in their learning process by being responsible for their education and just do it!

If it doesn’t rain today as it was trying to while I was walking my four miles, I’ll work in the yard and take a break from being a student. I give my informative speech next friday and I want to pratice it a few more times, so I'll work on that later. I did say I'll try to take a break from being a student at least for a part of the day.

This has been an exciting day, we got to do impromtu speeches, oh joy! I pulled out of the bag a cardboard paper towel tube, gave my introduction, three points and conclusion. Tomorrow we get to do another round of impromtu's, I just can't wait! If you're thinking that impromtu speeches are the cause of my excitement, you're kidding yourselves. The source of my excitment came during speech class when my teacher handed me an envelope. As she handed it to me, she congratulated me on my achievement. I had no idea what she was talking about and cautiously opened the envelope to see what it was about. Well, let me tell you what it said, the Psi Iota Chapter of NCTC have recognized me as a distinguished student and have invited me to join Phi Theta Kappa. I'll join and get involved as much as I can. The benefits of membership are worth the time and effort required over the long run. My English Professor has said, "writing makes you smarter" and I sure have been doing a lot of writing since I started college, so maybe I am smarter.

I am finding it really hard to slow down, both physically and mentally this semester. My internal clock has changed again. I go to bed between 10-11pm but get up between 4-5am. It's strange, because I feel rested and energized as I hit the floor on the run. I tend to get quite a bit of school work finished really early before I go outside to walk or ride four miles and all before my first class starts at 9am. Today, is different and I'm here at the computer forcing myself to slow down just for a short break until I need to pick up the pace again.

I just got home from packing up my father-in-law's mobile home and will fix lunch for everyone before going over to his new retirement apartment. It would have been great to have had more time to move him, but he sold his trailer during the week and closed on fri. and must be out by mon. However, the family is really releaved that he finally sold his trailer and is moving to the retirement village. He's been living by himself now for almost two years. Even though he is in really good health for someone who is 89 years old, he is slowing down and needs companionship. The retirement village has everything! He'll take his main meal in the main community center where they have a library, exercise room, barber shop, health care clinic as well as a game room, music and sunday services. His one bedroom apartment has a kitchen, a utility room, living and one bathroom. The bedroom and bathroom have a call chain to pull in case of an emergency which makes all of feel so much better. He is really looking forward to having the weekly cleaning service. This move should be his last and now puts him only about 10 minutes away from all of us. We still have some stuff to move out of his trailer, but most of it fit on the truck we rented. I'll have to go over to the apartment and unpack and organize everything after I clean it all. I didn't realize how bad he has let things go while living by himself. Mike has been the one to visit him while I've been busy with everything else. There will be a lot of things that need to be donated or have a garage sale to get rid of. He won't need most of his cooking and baking stuff so we'll scale everything down to the basics. We will need to purchase a large bookcase to fit all of the books he reads in. He really loves to read and it helps to keep his mind sharp. Thankfully, this weekend is going to beautiful with mid-80's for the temperatures.

Tomorrow, I'll hit the books to study for an algebra test over the whole chapter! I also have a speech test to study for and sometime before wed. I need to get my English paper organized and written.

More later when I have a little more time to breathe without hearing the clock ticking time away.

I’ve been reminded that I haven’t blogged in a while, thank you Kendra, I’ll try to update more often. ;-)

I left off with my first day back to college for the fall semester. Already I can tell that this is going to be such a different semester overall. First, let me start with how hard it is to describe what it feels like when you are empowered, as I am feeling now. It isn’t because I’m into my third semester. It’s much deeper then that. I’ve really grasped hold of and embraced the truth of whom I am and why I have been created. God has equipped me with specific talents and gifts. I’ve been aware of them and have always tried to use them in service to the Lord. However, I don’t know if I fully understood or embraced these treasures. I had it backwards, my heart knew it, but my head wasn’t convinced. I’ll try to expound on this in relationship to school.

In my first semester I wanted to do everything correctly, more out of a sense of fear. There was the fear of not doing something right and getting negative attention or worst, being rejected if I didn’t do everything to perfection (faulty thinking). Up until spring break of that semester, I was overwhelmed and stressed by the college experience. I thank God often for my first two professors! Both took the time to understand where I was coming from and proceeded to help equip me with a strong foundation to build my college experience on. During this time I became aware of what God has given me…really aware of it. I found myself thinking that maybe I actually had an intellectual ability and wasn’t so…, well there are too many adjectives to select from. Anyway, I found myself identifying some areas of my early childhood life that had been imprinted with wrong information (leading to faulty thinking). With this realization I then discovered what positive input was doing to these wrong messages, overriding them! Add that to getting 100’s on almost every paper, my confidence began to grow. It’s funny to say this, but I wasn’t becoming more confident because of my grades or even the positive comments. I think being in college gave me the opportunity to practice confidence. And practice I did and am doing!

From the first semester until now, the Lord has placed young students and even my teachers into my life for very specific purposes. I get to practice what He has equipped me with; to comfort others with the same comfort He has given me, to encourage others and stir them up out of complacency as well as other areas. The most important one has been walking through the halls and sitting in the classrooms as a mirror to reflect the light of the Lord as a way to provide the message of hope. There is more to life then simply going to school to get an education so that you will get a better paying job, but a lot of these kids/young adults have no hope. I see them walking around like little lost sheep. I can’t do it for them, but I can represent the one who can, every day in every situation as I walk amongst them. My precious DIL, Michelle wrote in her blog some deep thoughts along these lines. She talked about relationship with Christ being sufficient as it will affect your life in every aspect. Such wise insight for someone so young! This is the truth behind living for the Lord. It’s all about relationship first; the lifestyle, words and works will come naturally afterward as we imitate Jesus. This is why I’m physically in school and not behind a computer screen taking classes. There is need to develop relationships with those I come in contact as a way to witness God’s love and life to each one and it must start with my daily relationship with the Lord.

Back to my “epiphany” labeled empowerment. When you come to this enlightened realization, you aren’t just better equipped, you discover how empowered you are; “the truth will set you free.” I am free to do as well as I put effort into my education. I’m also free from undo stress and self-punishment when I have done my best and don’t receive the 100% grade (and found that the sun still rises in the east every morning). I am experiencing validation and unconditional relationship outside of the bubble of my marriage. I am hearing the same positive messages I have heard from my husband, children and friends in such a way as to make an impact on all of those wrong messages. I’m not sure if this journey has been about finding “me”, as much as it has been about discovering who God had created me to be, accepting and then embracing this truth.

Okay, so this isn’t really talking about what subjects I’m taking or what I’m doing in each class. I’ll get to that in another posting. Thank you for expressing your interest in reading about my journey of discovery and enlightenment (academically, personally and spiritually) as I continue this walk and encounter God in every aspect of my life.