I’ve been reminded that I haven’t blogged in a while, thank you Kendra, I’ll try to update more often. ;-)

I left off with my first day back to college for the fall semester. Already I can tell that this is going to be such a different semester overall. First, let me start with how hard it is to describe what it feels like when you are empowered, as I am feeling now. It isn’t because I’m into my third semester. It’s much deeper then that. I’ve really grasped hold of and embraced the truth of whom I am and why I have been created. God has equipped me with specific talents and gifts. I’ve been aware of them and have always tried to use them in service to the Lord. However, I don’t know if I fully understood or embraced these treasures. I had it backwards, my heart knew it, but my head wasn’t convinced. I’ll try to expound on this in relationship to school.

In my first semester I wanted to do everything correctly, more out of a sense of fear. There was the fear of not doing something right and getting negative attention or worst, being rejected if I didn’t do everything to perfection (faulty thinking). Up until spring break of that semester, I was overwhelmed and stressed by the college experience. I thank God often for my first two professors! Both took the time to understand where I was coming from and proceeded to help equip me with a strong foundation to build my college experience on. During this time I became aware of what God has given me…really aware of it. I found myself thinking that maybe I actually had an intellectual ability and wasn’t so…, well there are too many adjectives to select from. Anyway, I found myself identifying some areas of my early childhood life that had been imprinted with wrong information (leading to faulty thinking). With this realization I then discovered what positive input was doing to these wrong messages, overriding them! Add that to getting 100’s on almost every paper, my confidence began to grow. It’s funny to say this, but I wasn’t becoming more confident because of my grades or even the positive comments. I think being in college gave me the opportunity to practice confidence. And practice I did and am doing!

From the first semester until now, the Lord has placed young students and even my teachers into my life for very specific purposes. I get to practice what He has equipped me with; to comfort others with the same comfort He has given me, to encourage others and stir them up out of complacency as well as other areas. The most important one has been walking through the halls and sitting in the classrooms as a mirror to reflect the light of the Lord as a way to provide the message of hope. There is more to life then simply going to school to get an education so that you will get a better paying job, but a lot of these kids/young adults have no hope. I see them walking around like little lost sheep. I can’t do it for them, but I can represent the one who can, every day in every situation as I walk amongst them. My precious DIL, Michelle wrote in her blog some deep thoughts along these lines. She talked about relationship with Christ being sufficient as it will affect your life in every aspect. Such wise insight for someone so young! This is the truth behind living for the Lord. It’s all about relationship first; the lifestyle, words and works will come naturally afterward as we imitate Jesus. This is why I’m physically in school and not behind a computer screen taking classes. There is need to develop relationships with those I come in contact as a way to witness God’s love and life to each one and it must start with my daily relationship with the Lord.

Back to my “epiphany” labeled empowerment. When you come to this enlightened realization, you aren’t just better equipped, you discover how empowered you are; “the truth will set you free.” I am free to do as well as I put effort into my education. I’m also free from undo stress and self-punishment when I have done my best and don’t receive the 100% grade (and found that the sun still rises in the east every morning). I am experiencing validation and unconditional relationship outside of the bubble of my marriage. I am hearing the same positive messages I have heard from my husband, children and friends in such a way as to make an impact on all of those wrong messages. I’m not sure if this journey has been about finding “me”, as much as it has been about discovering who God had created me to be, accepting and then embracing this truth.

Okay, so this isn’t really talking about what subjects I’m taking or what I’m doing in each class. I’ll get to that in another posting. Thank you for expressing your interest in reading about my journey of discovery and enlightenment (academically, personally and spiritually) as I continue this walk and encounter God in every aspect of my life.